I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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