I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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