Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
