Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
