fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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