Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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