Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
