that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
