i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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