I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
