I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
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