For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
