so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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