Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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