I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
