i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
