I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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