Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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