There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
