My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
My vagina is very pro this idea
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
