Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
