my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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