God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
