Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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