On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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