I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
