so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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