Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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