I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
