I think I died a long time ago.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just found puke in my bra..
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Randomize
