Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
