I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
