Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
