I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
