Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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