Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
