Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
