So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
