just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
