The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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