Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
