So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
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