Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize