So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
