Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
