I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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