He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
