Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
