Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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