I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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