i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
He felt like a one man threesome
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
