Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
They took my balls.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
