GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
