It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
