Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
