last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
