i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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