we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
