somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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