Ambien. No doubt about it.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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