Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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