WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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