I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
