So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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