like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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